Musings after Christmas

Today finds me enjoying the Christmas vacation down time, no school buses to watch for or 6 a.m alarm, lovely to be lazy for a while. My son is having fun blasting at monsters or aliens, whatever, in the much coveted Unreal Tournament Sony game that topped his Christmas wish list. I've been out to pick up the mail - we're lucky enough to have our own mailbox - Dad's gift still hasn't come, and I'm expecting a card from an old friend in England not heard from yet this year. The wind is icy today, though it's only around zero (celsius) it feels a lot colder. More snow on the way if the the weather report is right, and the grey skies suggest it is, just looked out the window and flurries are starting to come down.

Yesterday at my sister's place, five deer spent a good part of the day grazing between the woods and her bedroom windows, pretty much at home there. She enjoys them now, not so much when gardening time comes around. Here at my place, there are what you could call physical signs deer have been hanging around under the bird feeder on the apple tree, but it's been when it was too dark to see them.

We had a peaceful Christmas, much enhanced by being able to gather around the fireplace at my sister's home after a very nice dinner. There is something enchanting about curling up in front of a wood fire and watching the flames dance. To keep my mood peaceful, I tend not to watch the news for a few days - usually avoid it on Christmas and Boxing Day, helps a lot.

Today I was saddened and angered by the news that Benazir Bhutto's enemies have managed to eliminate the woman who offered some hope for a democratic future for Pakistan. Not a good omen for the future, and a sad loss for her family. Having been active in Amnesty International in the past, I've met many leaders who fight for their people and I admire their courage. May she go in peace.

Meditations on December

Here we are in the countdown to Christmas and I wonder if someone else out there may have the December blues. Mostly, I love the holiday, the lights, the snow, the music, the turkey and pie and the family get-together.

But....I just turned fifty-five and my youngest son is sixteen, and old friends are far away these days, and the holiday always brings the wish, fierce at times, that my oldest, Jamie, could have been around to come home and share it with us. As a teen, he used to pretend to dislike the fuss and go around saying "Bah, humbug!!"

He was a bit of an anarchist and genuinely hated the gap between rich and poor that Christmas highlights with such cheerfully cruel clarity. In a perfect world, money or lack of it would not determine who has a good meal and presents under a tree. Still, for all that, he loved his niece and nephew, his grandparents, shortbread cookies, turkey dinner and good music.

He would try to call home around Christmas from Victoria, the city by the sea where he spent his last years. Always asking after Nanny and Grampie, pretending things were ok with him. Later, after we lost him, I found out he'd been among those on the streets, one of the addicted and lost who get Christmas dinner at the Salvation Army or another charity. It's not what any mother wishes for, is it? Taking a wreath to the cemetery means a lot, but how I wish he could join us for one more celebration.

Still, when the family gathers by the fireplace, there will be good cheer and laughter and pretty tree lights after dinner. When we toast "the ones with us and gone" he's one of those who will be in the family's thoughts this holiday.

As I write this, Gregorian chant fills the room with beauty and melancholy. If he were here, he'd tell me to put on some music to liven things up - Stevie Ray Vaughn or the Grateful Dead - and I will celebrate, to honour his memory too.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, whoever and wherever you are.